The PAX: Airball, Ice Man, Hi-test, Decaf, Mr. Chow, Fieri, Bluegrass, Omaha, Buttermaker, Cat Daddy, Pusher, Hose, Squealer, Sniff, Cold Call, Abraham, Vega
Conditions: Pretty nice for an August morning in Manning
A year ago Manning was a nice little town. Quiet. Peaceful. No cults roaming the streets in the gloom. Then an angry preacher showed up, preaching the gospel of fitness, fellowship, and faith. Some otherwise sane and intelligent people were taken in by the mad man’s rhetoric. A local banker drank the kool-aid. So did a pharmacist, a car dealer, a sandwich maker, a few firemen, another banker, another pharmacist, even a farmer. Friends of the angry preacher from Columbia, Florence, Hartsville, Grandstrand, Sumter, and Darlington showed up in our fair city one year ago and F3 Manning, a.k.a. Swampskeg, was launched.
In the 52 weeks since dozens of men in Manning and the surrounding area have thrown away their fat pants. The SadClown Syndrome, which had plagued them for years and which they thought would follow them to their graves, has been defeated. They are soft no more. These men are now fit. They are strong. They are bold. They are leaders. Instead of being the punch line of a joke, they will punch you in the throat if you mess with their families, their churches, their co-workers. They are becoming the champions the Sky Q created them to be.
And so, this morning these men gathered in the gloom to celebrate their fitness, to enjoy fellowship, and the sharpen one another’s faith by doing something Completely Stupid and Utterly Pointless which (unless your name is Frank Cofey) they never dreamed they could do a year ago: run almost 7 miles all over Manning, stopping along the way to do very painful things.
Event Q Vega mapped out a course around town that included 4 Areas of Operation. He then recruited the most mean-spirited men in F3 Manning to lead exercises at each pain station. After the Q warmed us up around the shovel flag he handed off to the first mean guy.
Airball’s Ballpark Bootcamp
Airball, sneaky little devil that he is, had been out in the pre-gloom putting out cones. Whenever we see cones we know it’s going to hurt. Airball called for 6 days of Christmas as opposed to the normal 12 days because Airball, unlike YHC, is capable of following directions from the Q and taking only the allotted time the Q gave him (more on this later). We started with 1 burpee, ran to the next cone and did, and did, did um, well we did something when we got to the first cone and bear crawled back. Then to the next cone and did some thing else (dry docks maybe? I don’t know) and repeated the exercises at the other cones, so forth and so on until the 6 days were done. This would have been okay except that Pusher (following Vega’s pre-planned route) announced that we were to mosey over to Gibbons Street Park.
That’s 2.5 miles away Pusher.
And got to go back somehow. Vega put you up to this?
Anyway, a good little while later we all finally arrived at Gibbons Street Park. Now Vega ain’t all bad. He too had been out in the pre-gloom, but he was up to something good. He had ice cold water waiting on us. We coulda kissed him! (But it’s not that kind of a group)
After hydrating a little, thanks to Vega, Pusher started his non-sense. He casually said (and YHC thought he was kidding), “Let’s warm up with 15 burpees.” Warm up? Warm up? We just ran 2.5 miles. After 6 Days of Christmas. After Vega already warmed us up.
But we did them, all 15 of them. Then he called for, oh about, 60 merkins. After that he called for some other stuff, but it’s all a blur now. When he got through he turned it over to YHC.
The Route (66) to the church.
All I can say is, when I first thought about this it seemed like a really good idea. It wasn’t. At all. I thought, we’ve got to get to the church anyhow, why not do a few little exercises along the way. How hard can that be? And it won’t take long because we will be at the church before we know it.
It was hard. It took forever. Between the park and the church we completed an entire Route 66 workout, not an abbreviated one like Airball had enough sense to do with his 6 Days workout. It totaled 396 reps of merkins, lunges, big boys, mountain climbers, LBCs, and burpees (of course, burpees).
When we finally got to the church (Vega-water again) where Redwood Originals Buttermaker, CatDaddy, and Hose had been promised 4-5 minutes apiece, they had about 45 seconds total to get their exercises in. They opted for ab work with each of the 3 calling out one ab exercises. Uh, sorry y’all for taking up almost all of your time. Poor leadership on my part.
Cool thing happened next. Fieri told us to mosey to the Manning High football stadium and as we did, carrying the shovel flag, we got several honks of approval from cars and trucks passing us by. People love this country and Old glory and appreciate a bunch of men carrying our flag in public.
When we got to the stadium (more Vega-water – praise the Lord) Fieri had us do 2 laps of stadium steps with 25 monkey humpers between each lap. One day we will be arrested for public lewdness doing those things. This was a quad killer, which was unfortunate because Vega then told us to run back to J C Britton. That’s a mile. With no quads.
Well we did it. When we finally got back to where it all started we had been exercising for over 2 hours and had covered over 6.5 miles. We were done. And Vega had water for us.
Sad Clowns can’t do this. Soft men can’t do this. But you did this because you’re strong and fit. Seriously, could you have done this a year ago? What happened? You know what happened. You Got Right over the course of the past year. You now Live Right and Lead Right and when you leave this world you will Leave Right.
Vega, took us out with a good W.O.D in the B.O.M. after this CSAUP that showed what taking the DRP can do in the life of HIM. (Huh? Okay, just look it up in the lexicon)
I am extremely proud of each one of you. Seeing what you men have accomplished in the last 12 months will go down as one of the greatest joys of my life. As I’ve said many times,
proud to know you.